ColetteB….

not exactly work in progress…

Hooray for the weekend

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11:24am, no more play since posting yesterday. Slept like a log for twelve hours. Stress thrown at me a couple of weeks ago badly affected my routine again. Next door’s dog outside all night barking every so often to be let in doesn’t help. Lucky my dog sleeps in a crate, partly covered to give her a secure den feel (and extra warmth in winter) and she doesn’t usually join in. Although the first two weeks with new neighbours and a strange dog were awfully difficult for having to get up in the night and stop my dog barking too. Now she recognizes the new household and their dog as our neighbors it’s fine unless they’re falling out and sounding aggressive. Dunno why the title hooray for the weekend,not well enough to plan anything or do anything much at all! But hooray for the weekend anyway…

Why I feel more tired after sleep than before I’ll never understand, although my ex used to count how long I stop breathing for while reading in bed until early hours. He said it was only ever no more than thirty seconds, then I’d kind of jump or twitch and start breathing again. I wondered why he didn’t just nudge me, and how long had I not been breathing for until he noticed. When he suddenly turned against me in summer 2009 with no explanation and was suddenly the most callous, vindictive and uncaring person I have ever known in my life, I wondered that he was hoping I wouldn’t start breathing again those nights.

Now there’s been no-one to witness my potential sleep apnoea since, but it possibly explains one aspect of my condition. I have several separate diagnosable conditions but most are ignored my doctor because my M.E. diagnosis is a catch-all that affects every bodily organ and whatever business reasons are more a priority than providing medical care.

 

It’s absolutely horrifying that the court’s interpret inability to communicate effectively for illness and exhaustion, thus failing to provide evidence, as fitness for work and ‘justifying’ those decisions and ignoring maladministration! It’s astonishing that the system is not designed to allow redress of errors of fact and denies errors of law that are clearly demonstrated in case law examples. You have to either be well enough for the fight or have representation fighting for you to obtain disabled status – and while disabled with no welfare disability status there is no legal status as disabled for people with disabilities. There’s no equality, no anti-discrimination in practice, no justice and some current legislation is criminal and inhuman.

I managed two hours on my feet this morning keeping my dog company of a sort, watching her outside time while I got round to eventually getting breakfast. It usually takes at least two hours before i can eat. Having eaten I had to come back to bed for overwhelming exhaustion, tremors, still feeling very cold even though the downstairs is now fifteen to sixteen degrees with no heating. Typing this much on this thing is killing my right shoulder, giving me a headache and not relieving tiredness enough as could sleep still. Been lay down in bed for 75mins getting this far. Legs still tremoring. Hungry, need a butler to bring me lunch and  to have some quality rest away from stressing about the war on welfare!

Proper rest now….

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Author: Colette B

Amateur creative (artist, writer) ...

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