not exactly work in progress…

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Mundane Monday

So much for having a short creative playtime every day. After effects of small efforts still knocking me back. Shattered today, back in bed hurting, resting, needing extra sleep after plenty sleep, trying to stay awake until reasonable time for an early night. Hope I wake early after an early night.

Saturday was a good day for managing almost 1000words writing, even if airing gripes and groans.

Sunday was bleak for half the day, dark and pouring with rain. The poor dog next door was left out in it, soaked and bedraggled. Sun shone later for the afternoon. I struggled in a dazed dither for the most part. It was a good day for having pre-prepared dinner to simply heat and eat and so managing to wash up straight after. Started spring cleaning and emptied and cleaned one of my kitchen cupboards.

A good weekend for managing to pace my online poetry coursework and completing the minimum requirements for the certificate – not that I’m sure the certificate’s worth anything as such but aiming for completion by that standard anyway. Can watch the class videos now rather than sole reliance on transcripts.

Today’s a good day for the neighbor’s carnival atmosphere garden party to keep me cheerful while not well and needing a big rest day. Had a really late lay-in and a veggie bacon sandwich for a treat after getting up. Not be able to afford treats for long with extortionate rent. So enjoying what there is while it lasts. Lazy oven-baked fish and chips for dinner soon as I’m starving… Hope I feel better tomorrow, loads I need to be getting on with… And I’m still frozen in spite of warmer weather and plenty of food and wrapping up in plenty layers… Hope I thaw soon… And maybe find something interesting to blog about!

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Hooray for the weekend

11:24am, no more play since posting yesterday. Slept like a log for twelve hours. Stress thrown at me a couple of weeks ago badly affected my routine again. Next door’s dog outside all night barking every so often to be let in doesn’t help. Lucky my dog sleeps in a crate, partly covered to give her a secure den feel (and extra warmth in winter) and she doesn’t usually join in. Although the first two weeks with new neighbours and a strange dog were awfully difficult for having to get up in the night and stop my dog barking too. Now she recognizes the new household and their dog as our neighbors it’s fine unless they’re falling out and sounding aggressive. Dunno why the title hooray for the weekend,not well enough to plan anything or do anything much at all! But hooray for the weekend anyway…

Why I feel more tired after sleep than before I’ll never understand, although my ex used to count how long I stop breathing for while reading in bed until early hours. He said it was only ever no more than thirty seconds, then I’d kind of jump or twitch and start breathing again. I wondered why he didn’t just nudge me, and how long had I not been breathing for until he noticed. When he suddenly turned against me in summer 2009 with no explanation and was suddenly the most callous, vindictive and uncaring person I have ever known in my life, I wondered that he was hoping I wouldn’t start breathing again those nights.

Now there’s been no-one to witness my potential sleep apnoea since, but it possibly explains one aspect of my condition. I have several separate diagnosable conditions but most are ignored my doctor because my M.E. diagnosis is a catch-all that affects every bodily organ and whatever business reasons are more a priority than providing medical care.


It’s absolutely horrifying that the court’s interpret inability to communicate effectively for illness and exhaustion, thus failing to provide evidence, as fitness for work and ‘justifying’ those decisions and ignoring maladministration! It’s astonishing that the system is not designed to allow redress of errors of fact and denies errors of law that are clearly demonstrated in case law examples. You have to either be well enough for the fight or have representation fighting for you to obtain disabled status – and while disabled with no welfare disability status there is no legal status as disabled for people with disabilities. There’s no equality, no anti-discrimination in practice, no justice and some current legislation is criminal and inhuman.

I managed two hours on my feet this morning keeping my dog company of a sort, watching her outside time while I got round to eventually getting breakfast. It usually takes at least two hours before i can eat. Having eaten I had to come back to bed for overwhelming exhaustion, tremors, still feeling very cold even though the downstairs is now fifteen to sixteen degrees with no heating. Typing this much on this thing is killing my right shoulder, giving me a headache and not relieving tiredness enough as could sleep still. Been lay down in bed for 75mins getting this far. Legs still tremoring. Hungry, need a butler to bring me lunch and  to have some quality rest away from stressing about the war on welfare!

Proper rest now….


May Make Play – Impossible Blossom

© Colette Bates 2015 Image created using SketchBook Express software for Android devices

© Colette Bates 2015
Image created using SketchBook Express software for Android devices (01/05/2015)

I’ve changed my mind about wishing I’d bought a netbook instead of a small tablet. SketchBook Express is a funtastic app for playing with digital ‘drawing’. I’ve been experimenting with functionality and exploring. The image to the right is my latest creation, a fantasy flower … Or is it a creature? …

Maybe it’s even a writing prompt…

There was a suggestion I should try making a drawing a day… I love there being no mess and nothing to set up or put away and no material waste. Although I would love to get my hands dirty making art properly, I don’t really want it all over my bed – or my landlord’s carpets!

How many ways are there to play with ideas from a single image and will I ever return to try? I’ve no idea… Well, several …. I also wonder what a psychoanalyst might think up to make of it and how it’s somehow subconsciously rooted in the poetry I was reading last night / earlier today…

I really should be doing something else, but I’ll bet I can’t resist more doodle-play before the day’s out… Best fun Friday I’ve had in ages! (*update 02/05/15= no more play, got up to get dinner, too exhausted, made a sandwich, slept…)

The month of May is M.E.Awareness month – I wonder if it will ever make any significant difference… Multiple Sclerosis was similarly derided and undermined but became taken more seriously over forty to fifty years ago. I wonder how many of us are similarly neglected and punished for being ‘Impossible Blossom’…

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Good Morning May Day

May already! I’m not quite out of hibernation mode yet, still frozen, wrapped in several layers in spite of Springing toward summer now. I  was out in my garden to find a crisp coating of frost about six o’clock this morning. Hadn’t actually slept yet. It’s a bit like Christmas having good food in to choose from and a new fancy toy to get online with from the comfort of my den, wrapped up warm and comfy.

Election soon. Luckily I caught sight of an ad on last day to register to vote and saved an eighty pound fine. Not that voting will make any difference. The country’s so far down the pan … I wonder if we’ll ever have a humane government in my lifetime again…

I wish I’d bought a netbook, holding a ten inch tablet’s too heavy, should’ve known it would be as I struggle with holding a camera. Fantastic for watching iPlayer though, first telly in well over a year – not that I don’t have (a very old portable) TV and a digital set top box, just don’t use them – screens give me brain ache and eye pain. I read in a review that this tablet’s quite dim, not as bright as competitors, thought  great, suits me to a T! Indulged in a still life arts programme for the whole ninety minutes and well chuffed with that.

And what I’ve been missing for not having things like Sketchbook Express and Mah Jong to play with. There is speech to text to try yet of course, might perhaps save some pain. Although I am trying to give up talking to myself!

©colette Bates

©Colette Bates 2015; (image created using Sketchbook Express software for Android)

Header created from the image shown left.

Dunno why I’m starting a blog, plenty of catch-up tasks awaiting for killing time with…